I always expected to watch my son grow and experience all the milestones that life had in store for him. But on June 23, my life took an unexpected turn and was forever changed. We were notified that our son was in a swimming incident and was missing. Thus started a whirlwind of discussions, travel, meetings and searching before he was found 5 days later. During this time, I do not know how I managed to go on. The process was so overwhelming; my brain was in fog. I was just existing. Our family was devastated, our son was gone, and our other son lost his hero and best friend.
I vaguely remember being asked if I was willing to take a call from a program called HOPE. On July 10 came a phone call from this lady stating that she was a volunteer with the HOPE program and that she had experienced the loss of a loved one in the military too. She told me I was not alone in my grief and suffering, and that she was here for me.
I was lost and that call was my lifeline. I don’t remember a whole lot of what we chatted about in those first few phone calls, but I do know that they kept me going. They became my hope and a beacon of light in my grief journey. She introduced meaningful coping strategies. As my mind began to slowly function again, I struggled with huge regrets. My peer supporter helped me manage those dark days and to slowly learn to accept, working through the guilt and embracing the little steps I was taking. I began to see that Sam may be gone, but that his memory and legacy would live on forever in our hearts and minds. That is how I started to approach my days. There were still plenty of horrendous days, but eventually those days started to fade. My volunteer was and always will be my angel and life savior.
As I continued my journey, I started approaching life with a different attitude born from the support and encouragement brought by my peer supporter. I realized that because of HOPE, I had started to live again. I was able to manage the grief waves. I was prepared to ride out the swells until they became ripples again.
It was around this time that my HOPE supporter asked if I would be interested in becoming a peer helper. It didn’t take long for me to decide; I wanted to join the program. I believed that having a peer – griever support system was important; to have someone that has experienced losing a loved one in the CAF and that truly understood. I wanted to be able to give back and to be someone’s beacon of HOPE as my peer supporter was to me.
I will forever be grateful for the HOPE program, and I am honoured to be able to be a part of the HOPE family.
Sherelyn Christiansen - Mother of Trooper Samuel Christiansen
