This chart helps Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) personnel and families reflect on their relationship experiences by considering actions, feelings, and patterns across healthy, stressed, unhealthy, and abusive behaviours in relationships.
Examples are included to help shape your understanding of healthy and unhealthy expectations. These examples are just some suggestions to help you reflect. You are encouraged to contact MFRC, MFS service provider, FIL or CAFKIDS to explore further.
| Self-Reflection Prompts | HEALTHY | UNHEALTHY |
| Equality and teamwork to me looks like…. | Equality and teamwork look like us making major decisions
together. | Equality and teamwork look like I am the financial provider so I
should make all the major decisions without any input from my partner. |
| Feeling appreciated to me looks like…. | I feel appreciated when my partner listens to me and
acknowledges how I feel, as I do the same for them. | I feel appreciated when my partner obeys me and does not
question my authority. |
Boundaries that help me balance my relationship with my
commitment to the CAF or CAF lifestyle are… | When I am home, I make efforts to be present
with my family. | Never switch off from work mode and expect my
partner to be alright that I rarely prioritize them. |
| Repair after conflict to me looks like… | I give my partner space to cool off and
process the conflict. | We continue escalating the conflict. |
Maintaining connection during periods of high operational stress
and transition to me looks like… | I feel connected with my partner when they check in
with me at agreed upon times. | I feel disconnected from my partner when I am
ignored by them or my feelings are minimized. |
| My expectations around sharing culture and traditions are… | We both agree on what traditions are important for
us and make an effort to celebrate them. | I restrict or control my partner's cultural practices
or family traditions. |
| My communication expectations during periods of living apart are… | I understand and will prepare healthy ways to
manage periods apart when communication is not
possible, including seeking support from my friends,
family or community support. | I expect continuous contact and deny any impact
that living apart has on me. |
| My expectations around blended families are… | We celebrate and embrace the diversity in
our family. | We emphasize and pick at differences when things
aren’t going well. |
