| HEALTHY | STRESSED | UNHEALTHY | ABUSIVE |
How does the
relationship feel? | | | | |
How do we talk to
each other? | - Respectfully
- Active listening
| - Ignoring opinions
- Cold or distant
| - Harsh comments
- Mocking
- Isolating or avoiding
- Disrespectfully
| - Intimidating
- Belittling
- Name-calling
|
How do we treat
each other? | - Encouraging
- Caring for self
- Supporting dreams
| | - Demeaning
- Controlling
- Rejecting
| - Manipulating
- Hurtful
- Ridiculing
|
How are we intimate
with each other? | - Consensual
- Mutual fulfillment
- No pressure
| - No clear consent
- Passive manipulating
| - Guilt
- Coercion
- Degrading and shame
| - Nonconsensual Violence and force
|
| How is our social life and network? | - Network of friends
- and family
- Pursuing own interests
| - Tense with friends and family
- Withdrawing from social situations
- Questioning whereabouts
| - Friends and family are concerned
- Avoiding social interactions
- Isolating from friends
- Surveilling (social media, in-person)
| - Preventing social engagements
- Family and friends feel unsafe
|
| How does our family get along? | - Secure attachment
- Involvement in each
- other’s lives
- Strong and clear
- boundaries
| - Limited engagement and time for family
- Inconsistent parenting
| - Tension
- Comparing and criticizing children
- Uninvolved in each other’s lives
| - Scolding and intimidation
- Harsh verbal punishment
- Physical punishment
|
How do we handle
money issues? | - Sharing financial resources and decisions
- Transparency
| - One-sided financial decisions and spending
- Scrutinizing spending
| - Restricting spending
- Limiting/not sharing financial information
| - Moving money to prevent access
- Blocking access
|
How do we
show anger? | - Talking out problems
- Taking a break
| | - Indirect violence (breaking things, destroying property, slamming doors)
- Threatening violence (property, pets)
| - Direct violence (shoving, grabbing, shaking, hitting)
- Harming pets
|
